Undoing

By Shubhangi Anuragi

I am trying to scrape the skin that's healing and 

mess with  the wound that's bleeding--

I wanna touch some grass and break the ceiling

I want to venture into the unmanned terrain

I want to walk the edge without refrain

and possess a power so hard to contain

I wonder how god feels being god.

I want to partake in my undoing

so, if I don't die on the hill

I will die on the path leading up to it

If I don't breathe the air from the top

I shall run out of it on my climb

now

stick to the end of this piece, 

everything changed at fifteen

I make them cry, I made you cry once

I will write such profane things,

that throw you out of your slump

and I know it's not in the complex words

your undoing is in the simple verse

like when you remember a date you should've forgotten

like when you're rolling in dirt to merge with the earth

like when you know where to hit and how much it hurts

like when you remember to keep the lights on in the night

and purposefully avoid the dark, only after glaring in it

(what did you see?)

the extra rep in the gym

or the tear stain on your pillow

the holes in your socks

and the ripping seams of your wallet

this, this is your undoing

holding hands while hurting

and masking pain when you say goodbye

having to act like everything is alright

THAT is your undoing

when you see that you're a pawn

when you see your happiness, 

is a result of their confusion

and as clarity dawns

or demons cross, your focus shifts

that is your undoing

your undoing is not these hefty, archaic, unheard of lines 

your undoing is in the mundane words

a tacit curse

so easy to be understood

if you spoke it

that you did everything 

but broke it

 an ugly assumption

 heavier the backpack

 lighter the purse

 my confessions are gonna

 make it worse

have you chats to pin

and pictures to look at?

friends to hug,

and enemies to slur at?

 your undoing I will tell you

 is in the books you carry but don't read

 the shoulders that bear promises to lead

 your undoing is the undone deed

 the ache in four different places of your body

 in the classes you're missing

 in the wrong fellas you're kissing

your undoing is in the waking up

waking up feeling tired

as if the running and

screaming in your nightmares

caught up with you

your undoing is 

the worms that don't kill you

and the humans that do

your undoing is in the prayers

heard on both sides

good and evil

wings and horns

crows and swans

beginning and death

right and wrong

your undoing began 

with your first act

how hopeless

is the tool of

hope

that allows festering

with growth

how the game of

life

and dance of 

death

hangs onto the same 

rope

is it a noose,

leave it

leave chasing the

wild goose,

choose

live the 

undoing, kitten

and

become 

my muse.

By Shubhangi Anuragi