To The Eldest Daughter

By Shrishti Negi

I wish someone told you that it was never your fault

To be born in a harsh, cruel world that throws salt

At your wounds that needed tending and healing.

You never deserved any of what you've been feeling

For a while now. I wish someone was there for you

And you hadn’t been traversing alone without a clue.

You only wanted to not be alone,

A decision you came to condone.

You were just a lonely child

In a world that is so wild.

You only craved for a companion

To be by your side in this wild canyon.

You were totally unaware about the ways of the world

That has some notions about elder sisters wildly curled.

It was not your fault to be born to bear the burden of roles

Forced upon you by the unwritten societal scrolls.

At six, you were supposed to be the grown up sister,

A third parent to a sibling born to your parents. O, so sinister!

How does it feel to lose your childhood at six?

How does it feel to mend what was never yours to fix?

At ten, you were supposed to take care of a four year old,

A responsibility coerced upon you that you had to uphold.

How is a ten, twelve, or fourteen year old supposed to take on

The burden of a caregiver to a four, six, or eight year old fawn?

And, now, you are left all alone, to wonder how to fix what you broke

When you were just a child entangled in a world that would croak

The expectations of a burden and a role that were never yours

To begin with. I wish someone would have told you that these wars

And battles that you continue to fight, suffer and heal from,

You never deserved any of it, my little self, the unappreciated mom.

You were a month and a half to your sweet sixteen.

Excited and eager, just like any other teen at fifteen.

Aware of what might and might not come,

Acting oblivious to what was not told by dad and mum.

Not all you pray or wish for comes true,

This I can swear by the heavenly crew.

But, kindred spirit! How do you manage to hold all this love

Inside of a heart so broken and shattered and rise above

The insensitivity and the heartlessness of a world so cruel

And relentless to a heart so soft? How do you fight the duel

That clashes between your own head and heart,

Tearing down your entire being with a piercing dart?

By Shrishti Negi