By Priscilla Churchill
“Don’t pull the trigger!” The panic in Lily’s voice was clear.
“Why ever not? He deserves it,” Mia snapped back, a silent satisfaction in her voice, knowing full well the power she wielded right at that moment. It was strange for her to feel powerful, but on the other hand, it was surprising how easily the feeling settled within her.
“For one, you haven’t thought it through,” Lily said, as her mind instantly tabulated every possible consequence of her friend’s current proclivity. “What if you need him? Financially – are you sorted for the rest of your life?”
The feeling of power seemed to drain away at the sound of the question. Her aim had already dropped the second she paused. Reason had flooded her even as she stated “he deserves it”. Because this was not her. It was a moment of anger and betrayal, but it was not her.
She sighed, slumping against the tree. And as if that were not enough, she slid down to the ground beneath her. Lily huddled in next to her, looking over her shoulder carefully at the scene through the window not so far away. It was a happy scene. A man and woman in love, laughing, talking and fixing a meal together. Music drifted from the house and every now and then, they swayed to its beat.
“About 15 years ago, that was us,” Mia whispered.
“Was it? You don’t dance.” Lily was now rummaging through her pockets for the cigarette that she knew they both needed.
She felt too tired to acknowledge the truth of the statement but silently agreed. The first swig calmed her shaking breath and being. 15 years seemed a long time ago and yet so many memories were so fresh that it felt like it couldn’t be that long ago. “I’m not the same person I was 15 years ago,” she thought out loud.
“None of us are. 15 years ago I would have pulled that trigger for you. Now I think of consequences ahead of my actions – eeeesh!”
Mia smiled. “But I think I had a fair sense of who I might be and he didn’t fit into my idea for my future self even back then.”
“Really? You seemed smitten enough with Twinkletoes back then.”
“Was I?” A sense of annoyance crept into her – with herself. I never loved him the way I thought I would love, so what possessed me to marry him? Convenience? Well then, I deserve every bit of this.
“No, you don’t,” Lily exhaled and reached back into her pocket for the next cigarette.
“I don’t what?” Mia asked, as she felt herself relax and the anger of a few minutes before seemed as far away as the 15 years.
“You don’t deserve any of this, no matter what made you marry him,” Lily continued. “But I don’t think he planned to drift away from you either.”
“He must have grown up too. He didn’t know what he wanted in me, but he sure seems to know what he wants in her.”
By Priscilla Churchill
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