By Lipa Behera
Wandering inside the forest of her mind, she thought about how life has changed, is this they call life where everything is directionless. Bloomy is a name that certainly defines her, but given by someone who no longer exists for her. But something is given to her to wrap herself in a blanket to protect her from the unknown. At least something known can hide everything unknown. Every color which was once so beautiful now faded into a vacant horizon, they mixed with each other and turned up into the black. A color; which can only be seen through the light? But the entire path for illumination has been blocked, by her or automatically she has no idea. While leaving home she told her family that she was going somewhere, but where to is still unknown to her. A place even she didn’t know exists or not. But every step she took forward had wiped her path from what she had already taken. Her past has already turned dark, and the future seems to be shadowy, and for the present only thing burning, is her existence. A place, where darkness has not reached yet or trying to capture it slowly? But something is happening; inside her, outside her, or everywhere. The only path to escape was to fly, to a longer horizon, where darkness can never reach. By walking farther and farther she had forgotten what her past self felt like, only memories are walking with her, but side by side, they are no longer inside her. A place that shadows had already occupied, a place that has been corrupted by jealousy, envy, and distrust. When her bone started aching, her eyes, she never realized from the moment she left her home has been shading, may be currently she is walking over that ocean. However hot winds are touching her cheeks, it can’t be an ocean. It must be a desert she is walking on.
Her legs, they stopped. She opened her eyes to get a glimpse of the state she was in. Nothing was visible to her, either her eyes they stopped visualizing the whole thing or everything was so dim that nothing was visible. She was too tired that she had no other option except to become dead to the world. A deep sleep from where she never tried to wake up; a sleep which was much darker than her awakening self, but she had already accepted this darkness. She does not want to continue walking anymore and in some way, this darkness was stopping her from walking. Rest was what she needed, a long one. Nevertheless, things turned in a different direction, a light started illuminating the darkness during her sleep. She was asleep but she can still distinguish darkness from light when the illumination gets closer to her, she asked dear God is that you because she knew the only thing which can glow when every other thing turns dark. Why are you disturbing my darkness now, when I was begging in front of you, you never listened, and now when I’ve stopped begging, why are you approaching me now? God replied, I know you were begging, but what for? Maybe you were too slow which didn’t reach me or the noise outside was too much I could not hear you. Tell me now, as I’ve come forward to you, what you were begging for? I’ve sent you to earth to cherish the light not to give up on the darkness. She can’t lose the opportunity, at least not now. She told him I want to fly, and free myself from everything. I want to touch freedom. For that, I need wings, can you provide me with them. God said I do not have the power, even if I do have I still can’t give you what you are begging for. Bloomy was smart also, she can’t give up too quickly, she again asked can you at least provide me with the ingredients, so that I can make my own wings. God didn’t utter a single word. She understood the meaning of silence, then why did you even appear in my dream, if you can’t help me out with anything why did you even ask, what I want or not when you can’t provide me anything. If you don’t possess the power to provide me anything, why you are taking away things from me one after other? Even you can’t help me, I knew it; I should not have asked you from the very beginning. A gentle smile on God's face started rippling, certainly, his lips were still but his face was smiling. Maybe I can’t give you wings; I can’t help you with ingredients also. But I’m providing you the sky, the most important horizon where you can fly. What you were begging for they were inside you from the very day you were here. My dear bloomy; look inside…
Collect your own ingredients
Build your own wings
Fly as much as you want
Go as far as you wish
Fall as much as you can
Follow the clouds, compete with the winds
Dance with the stars
And when you are tired
Sleep on the moon.
Dawn with dazzling fresh sunlight made a hole in her darkness. The hole expands and expands and ultimately vanished. She woke up, accepted everything including her darkness, and her mistakes, and took the path of forgiveness to make her free. She didn’t return, she walked, her past became visible, and her path got cleared by the illuminated sunlight. On her journey towards the destination again God appeared but she could not recognize it as her path was brighter and it was easy to miss a bright light inside the brightness. God asked how you are doing. She replied with a gentle smile...
I took my courage as my ingredients
Made the wings of forgiveness
Currently flying in the sky of freedom
Thank you, God, for giving me the sky and I’ve made my wings. I’m flying, when I flew with my emotions, I enjoyed my imagination, you told me to compete with the winds but I kissed it. I created my own world where the magic of my wings worked and that’s how my life is after forgiving myself.
In our lives we all come across a point from where every direction seems unknown, from where we wish for something more, which is illuminating outside, once we run after them we realize it’s a trap where light is a phantom of darkness. At that time we got terrified by the outside darkness so much that we stopped looking at ourselves, and what we had. In the process of achieving something more, we forget what we have. Accept what you have, comparison builds a boundary between you and yourself. Stop comparing, feel your heart. Enjoy your happiness. Everybody possesses an inner wing to fly in their own world.
By Lipa Behera
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