By Aishu Rittika
I have an open mic
This evening at 5
And talks are going on
About the performance line up
In the WhatsApp group
And my heart does it's dance,
It's racing
Extremely fast.
I'm not scared
To perform,
That's what I do
For a living.
But then why
Just why
Is my heart doing this?
Tiny jitters
Tiny tremors
I feel,
Throughout my body.
My head hurts as always
The never ending headache,
My throat goes dry
Dryer than it usually is,
And tremors I feel
At the back of my mouth too.
I'm tired
So tired.
I'm pushing myself,
To feel.
To feel something
Other than this pain
This numbness
This deep deep hurt.
I want to feel joy
I want to feel happiness
I want to feel excited
About something I love doing,
But it's me
Who's forcing myself
To feel any of it,
And it's fake.
My heart knows it
My brain knows it too.
I'm forcing them to feel
Something that
They've lost the ability to feel.
I can't anymore
I'm back at square one
I just can't.
I wanna give up
I wanna let it all
Come to an end.
I want it to end
I want it to end
Please
Stop.
By Aishu Rittika
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